It’s started off in bursts.
Little ones, tiny explosions, like my light is escaping
my skin and cascading around my frame
like music and connection to everything
like its one thing and the gratitude part is just getting to be a part of it
even if it is only for just a millisecond
when I let go and remember
from nothing comes it all.
I did this to me for me.
Something that wants to shine out
wanted you one time
blew both of us away and you still know that’s true.
I don’t know who made you but I wanted to
as soon as we crossed paths
and we didn’t know what to do with it
hundreds of thousands of years ago
a second ago
the first time or the last time but this time
this time this time this time
that seed is growing…
this time we know different shit than we did before.
We are both on this relentless pursuit for better
and yet
we keep getting tethered
to each other over and over again.
Every time before
we did it good but wrong
like scribbling out your first guesses to the all-important exam
and erasing the right answers
and the heavy etching into the paper
the pressure of the feeling
is like an iron river…
A form of intergalactic braille from forever.
I can feel the breaks now.
Sunlight coming out of me and going back in
and shining on me shining on you again…
the love I feel for you
is the love I feel for myself.
There’s no denying
me and your presence here in my heart is proof
I won’t be done until I’m done with you
and we thought it was just sexual
and we thought it was just deviance
and we thought it meant something just no idea what.
There’s no denying
and that’s something I would never do
for eternity we’ll keep trying.
Friends last, sweetheart.
A few years ago you’d have laughed at me for these lines
like you thought I would at your mind
about vision and inception and dreams and energy burning
in cosmic love crackles that lately I can actually feel…
I can assign values and claim the real deal-
me phasing in and out of me phasing in and out of you
quickly, like a smile
beautiful like the shimmery history of ions in the night sky
a few years ago I would have required a kiss
off your lips and a recollection of that alone
for hundreds of hours or more
just to feel an nth of these recent microscopic
you told me I was terrific once
and just the other day you said you never wanted to be happy until you were
that first time you pushed me away
and then I pushed back at you
I was scared then, weren’t you too
of what we could do
I built you for me.
You made me.
You’ve always been my wife sir and you always will be
the slave the master the child the father the yin the dawn the immovable object…
No pedestals.
The truth.
I’m one of the souls your soul is connected to
a catalyst for sonic booms
the bursting in the body the most surface of proof.
I see me in you.
The student teaches the teacher too.
It isn’t nameable we both now know
and no one else will ever turn you on like I do though…
maybe in this billion years or so
in a minute or so
in this multiverse
you and I will figure our shit out.
It’s breaking through
like electricity…
love is trying to be kind to philosophers
like us
in this iteration of destiny.

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