Transforming Deez Nutz, Bitch

I’m not going to whine about the emptiness
the constant questioning and revising
the sadness
the endless loops of fantastic catastrophes on the verge
the meaninglessness
the exhausting remembering to keep trying
the never out of focus self-loathing
the constant urging to do something bigger, more flamboyant, more dangerous, more frightening
because I can take it
every second I survive it
I’m slowly beating it
and even though I’m suffering from it
because I’m struggling to talk myself out of it
to top it all off
I feel dumb as fuck even complaining
knowing full well someone just got murdered today
someone got robbed
someone got raped
someone got stabbed
and someone got a terribly painful diagnosis
someone was in a collision
someone got kidnapped
someone just lost a loved one or a place to live or a job
someone just got assaulted by a loved one
someone just overdosed accidentally or on purpose
someone is going to jail or to war
someone can’t hear or walk or see anymore
and I’m over here
sitting with my madness
and it feels like…
because it isn’t.

I’m okay.

I’m okay.

I’m okay.

Right now…

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