The Will of the Bruja

I’m a person healing
however slowly from BPD
but determined to do better because literally what else do I have to do on this planet that is more important to my health?
I’ve been an asshole to myself for my entire life because I thought I was supposed to
in order to
fit in with everyone else.
But guess what, I survived that long enough to know now that I’m not broken but extraordinary.
I just learned a program originally and abided by it
like it was law
because I am a loyal and faithful creature
deep down.
But if I can realize that, respect it and use it to my advantage, and try to recover from my distortions I’m doper than I ever allowed myself to take credit for.
I am powerful indeed.
And with practice, loving me every day and enough time under my belt respecting the fact that I can regulate my emotions, then I can overcome enough of the overall trauma to behave as I’ve always wanted to… like I belong somewhere…
and the best part is I can literally be anyone in the meantime, while I’m learning.
I’m only falling forward anytime I lose sight.
I don’t know how to quit it’s not even in my DNA anymore.
If I can fiercely believe that I was worthless than I can see what happens for me when I don’t too. I have a dedicated and devoted soul by nature, you see.
The big fact is that others before me made the same leap across the chasm and survived and I’m just as strong and willing and courageous and smart as they are.
All I have to do is rewire what I’m dedicated to
and do you know what… tell me what else do I have to do while I’m on this planet to keep me happy, healthy and safe for this ride but this?
There is no constant personality to pretend to be.
I am always learning.
I give me permission from here on out to have control now
of the most precious thing I actually own.

Myself.

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