Backward’s Law Flavored Goop

Like a bird, I thought he was just cute enough that it wasn’t distracting…
then he said he had an inside track on getting comics…
So I said hey, thinking worst case
I’ll have a book hookup and who can beat that
and then eventually he said hey
and of course I asked about the book thing
and he talked about himself instead
how he’s a writer and published…
and I said ooooooh, get into my personal device so you can tell me everything
and he talked more about him
and what his sexual proclivities are and his frequency demands for a partner
and that he’s recently divorced (like legit 2 months ago)
and the reason why that happened is that he cheated
a lot
and used his partner for complete emotional support
and didn’t deserve her
and that he lives at home with his parents again because its the right thing to do for financial reasons but but but he is a whole person now and looking for someone over 18 to share his life with because he wants people to know the real him because he’s worth knowing and he wants to know them…
and I said uhhhhhh okay
and then I said maybe you should call me
because I’m losing the thread with this texting…
(It sounds like you’re an asshole and I only fuck with gorgeous assholes and you’re tolerable looking darling so what the fuck is this bullshit?)
and he said he couldn’t … CALL ME because he was cooking dinner
and I said cool fuck it
and he said is texting now still cool?
( You can’t call me which is easier than texting while cooking but you still want to text? OMG)
And I was like nah I’m going to bed
and he told me goodnight
and then he didn’t message me for 24 hours
and then today he goes, yesterday was busy haha I can’t wait to get home and work out and chill
and I’m like in my own head- wtf
but I just said enjoy!
And this is why you don’t do shit
that you believe that you ought not do
whether it is really right or wrong or not
once you’ve bought into it being wrong
for you specifically
because every time you forget to stay away from it
you learn a painful lesson that might not seem fated
to someone who didn’t know already… but I know better…
The only thing he’s asked about me is if I wear a bikini or a one piece?
I said I write too and he didn’t acknowledge it.
I said where can I get the books and he never told me.
I said you don’t seem that into me, I shouldn’t have given you my number, my father would roll over in his grave that I even invited you to jump in my phone, I am acting a bit desperate here and its not a good look…
and he acts all perturbed like, so are you feeling like I’m not taking interest in you?
And me being me I said the better question is do you think you are? You want to know PEOPLE and you want them to know you cool. That literally and figuratively has nothing to do with me as an individual person in your phone right now.
He doesn’t know my last name, but I know his and he hasn’t asked about it either.
I have written books I have a blog I write articles and he hasn’t even brought it up, or literally any relevant question about me.
And he goes NO, do you legit think I’m not taking interest?
What you believe is what you value and it should guide your actions, see?
I believe I should wait to be introduced.
I believe I’m not supposed to just offer my number.
I believe I’m not supposed to suggest anybody call.
I believe I don’t need to ask you about anybody who came before me.
I believe I should be able to answer when asked how we both benefit from the relationship.
I believe if I’m interested in you, then I’ll ask you things about you and even look you up online so I can admire any and all of your documented greatness.
I believe if I ever get desperate for a fuck I can yell who wants some out my window so chasing a man is bad news.
I need to act like it.
I just said finally, no I don’t think you are and it’s fine, I jumped the gun, no worries, if you want to call me, okay but if not, take it easy.
You going to bed? He asks.
Bitch why do you care? You need to keep tabs on my whereabouts but you don’t even know who the fuck you are dealing with yet.
He didn’t call either. Just texted me what happened to him and how his day went. Didn’t ask about my day. And has yet to ask me out.
I know better.
He calls himself a romantic and that alone should have been a gigantic fucking red flag.
I believe I should be asked out on dates if we’re not in a relationship yet…
and I decided
I didn’t really need this bullshit
so I went to the casino with $300 and left with $3000.
Proof, doing what you believe you should
is always more entertaining and often more fulfilling…

and I’ma get all the comics I want now…
Eagle shit.

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