I was speaking with my son last evening and he mentioned that it would be a terrible idea for anyone to let me be the dictator of a world government because there would be so many executions for stupid shit. And we laughed and laughed about it.
I wouldn’t murder as much as he thinks I would…probably… but I sure would do a few other things.
I’d be like, my first order of business as global goddess ambassador of earth is there is no longer a substance called ketchup or catsup or anything like it on this planet. I’ll have no discussion.
Of course since I’m not global goddess yet, I don’t have all my plans ironed out but I know one damn thing, all products related to feminine hygiene are free going forward for everyone who uses them and any company that makes them has to meet strict government standards going forth and will receive subsidies etc., etc.
Did I say my goverance would be feasible? I did not. Remember, my kid said I don’t need this gig… but I tell you what else I would have on the very first day as law for the world-
males of every possible type with natural hair longer than 8 inches and beards with a moustache never have to pay income tax, sales tax or any taxes at all period forever. Can’t just have one of the three though, fellas, its a hairy trifecta tax loophole, people, okay? Don’t ask questions, I’m the global goddess ambassador I don’t have to explain this shit to people- do you know what I mean? Already, just with those few things the world would be a better place, oh and for sure, you know what else?
You can’t fillibuster anymore unless accompanied by an orchestra.
All requests for new laws in any governing body have to be introduced in song, preferably showtune style but I’ll accept any genre. Music is the universal language right so its the fucking language of Earth from henceforth.
Would that even work? It doesn’t matter if it would work, see, we haven’t talked about the executions… anyway, another thing that would be instituted so fast is that all school everywhere for any topic is free and as a matter of fact, colleges will pay you if you graduate from their institution and advertise for them as a part of your career branding for 20 years after you have your Doctorate in whatever. All living expenses and school expenses are refunded to graduates at any level of study too. Keep them receipts, folks, so you can get your money, honey. And since I’m on the school tip, Entry Level Teacher Salaries start at 200K- but its gonna be much harder to become one, only the best and brightest obviously and you only have to interview with me, ‘cept you have to re-interview for that gig annually, oh well, I’m global goddess so I can enact whatever I like.
See? I clearly do not need to be in control of the whole planet but if I were, where else would you guys live, you’d be stuck with me and quite frankly maybe the majority of folks would be like this is better than it was so fine whatever. It’s fun to think about.
You know what speaking of that, in my new empire if you will, regardless of wherever you live your City or Town or whatever is called Earth first and then it’s name. Y’all from Earth Cheyenne, or Earth Chilliwack or Earth Chicago from here on out because it seems like some of you fools need a constant reminder we live on the same space rock together, ain’t no other one, and ain’t nobody (other than me of course) above being a Citizen of Earth. Probably stop a lot of squabbles but the executions would clearly take care of that too… anyway, the only other thing I can think of right now that would change drastically off the top of my head is romantic ass relationships. Relationships are luxuries like fancy yachts; ain’t nobody obligated to be in one and nobody can make anybody feel like shit for being fucking single and self sufficient or you are getting hit with like a decade of jail time, I don’t care how old you are neither, if somebody is single, good for them, they realize they don’t need to be one half of a couple to be happy, healthy or successful and if you love ya damn self anyway, you can hold out (if being in some sort of long term companionship is a requirement for your best life for some reason) for a relationship that is worth all the bullshit that comes with it without complaining to people how horrible your significant other is.
Good thing for you guys, there’s no open postings for world dictator, or I might have applied.