Convoluted Consciousness

You know what, you get on my last fucking nerve sometimes. I don’t understand how you can be so readily forgiving of every other being on this planet when they fuck up but when you do it you beat yourself about the head and neck for hours, days and years behind the shit, stop taking risks, start that negative self talk bullshit, temperature raised high as fuck for no damn reason making you want to get drunk just to numb the self inflicted pains, bitch I’m tired of it.
Stop that.
Listen, you are a human being. You are not perfect nor were you designed to be. Everything happens like it happens so if you are doing all you know how to do at the time and then later you are privy to new information then change your fucking ways don’t beat yourself to death because you didn’t know you had that option before, fool!
And as a matter of fact if you do some shit on purpose because you didn’t want to deal with it any further and that wasn’t the right way to handle it at the time ACCEPT the fucking consequences and decide right then and there if they were worth pulling that bullshit again and if not, don’t beat yourself up about the shit AGREE with your fucking self to not do that again because obviously it isn’t worth it. None of this shit is hard, so I’ma need you to stop feeling sorry for yourself because you aren’t the best all of the goddamned time because ain’t no fucking such thing, and those ain’t even your damn feelings no how, that’s some programming from some other bitch who was feeding that lie to you when you were a kid and that motherfucker ain’t even on earth anymore so how you still replaying the lie that you’re worthless and your only value is if you do something, and you do it better than all possible other human beings? It’s people half as talented, half as smart, half as prepared, half as organized, half as experienced who STAY fucking up constantly and letting it go because it doesn’t fuck with their damn self esteem like it does you. Does it make sense to you to keep behaving this way? No? Then fucking stop, because I’m truly beyond exhausted with you.

-Note to Self

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