The Churlish Dobber’s Letter to God

The thing that you gotta understand is…

…what are you really trying to get at here?

If you’re the kind of person, like I am
who instinctively knows when they meet another human whether or not that human likes them and whether or not they like that human
you can completely feel it in their presence without having spoken
If you’re that kind of hyper sort of sensitive individual
usually
it’s because you had to be, right
there’s not some kind of skill that you just naturally have
you honed it
’cause you been in situations where
you needed that heightened level of awareness
and it doesn’t go away it just keeps getting stronger and stronger and stronger to the point where like I said you could meet individuals
and not having had exchanged any words
know
if they were team you or not and know
if you were team them
regardless
you know you know
immediately
and knowing that kind of information kinda makes you an asshole.

It’s hard to not be an asshole.

It is super hard because you know like a few chess moves ahead how this is going to go
not how it could go
how it’s going to go
because you already know what the attraction is or isn’t
and the reason it is a detriment is because you control it at this point
you know you done already put the narrative out into the world so now you gotta make it exist
and that means some people that you know don’t like you
you choose to not use the opportunity to grow as a person because if you know that they don’t like you
you become an asshole, right
there’s no reason for me to pursue this
I done seen the whole chess game through
we ain’t never gonna be on the same team
but the problem is there’s certain skills to acquire
when you able to know that about somebody and interact with them by being your real true authentic integrity having self regardless
like no matter what kind of motherfucker you are
whichever team
team me or not
I still need to show up in the best version of myself
I can still do the right thing
so it’s like having to go through the journey of knowing damn, yo, fuck, I can do this
and I can understand how to make things happen wow
to going into that next level of
OK now that I know that I can do that
I don’t need to be a threat anymore
you know what I mean
it’s like you become a fucking monolith
you become like a gigantic ass bear
like I’m not scared of y’all no more whether you’re team me
or you’re team not me is irrelevant now
because I already know how to figure out if you are or if you aren’t
what is important to me is to be there
and be the highest version of me
and not let whatever you decide to do
have any impact on me at all
on how I would behave
or nothing
you see what I’m saying and that’s the growth
so if you already had that at like 17 or whatever and you like my age now
you probably had a dope ass life because you were just doing your real self regardless the entire time and me
just now getting to that stage
and understanding that
I feel a new vibe emerging soon

watch out.

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