Overdosed on Worm Food at the Magical MacGuffin’s First Concert Tour

I’m laughing now but I won’t be in a minute
What you might be telling yourself is
one day
when you meet Missus Right
that then
I’ll feel some sort of sympathy for you
and let you go, so you can be with her
It hurts me when I have to hurt you actually
You’re laughing now but you won’t be soon
and neither will she
and what’s actually going to happen is
I am going to tell you that you have to let me meet her
and when I do I need you to tell her that the way that you know me is from a poetry workshop
or a writing class
and I was your mentor and you respect my opinion
and since we spend so much time together writing
that I feel like family
you respect me and you want us to meet
and get along as a matter of fact
and of course, she obeys you
besides me, who wouldn’t?
You certainly don’t want Little Miss Everything
to think you have secret friends
when I steal away your precious nights, right?
Funny, huh? ‘Cept when I do meet her
I will say to you go away monster
so she and I can have some girl talk
and when we’re alone I’m going to tell her everything
that you have ever done with me
that every part of you has kissed me
or been scratched or bruised or bitten by me
before you knew her you’ve worn my underclothes
and for good measure
I’ll make sure to bring the video clips
especially the one of you in the car
and calling me daddy and letting me know
that I could pretty much have whatever I want from you
as soon as your cock cage is locked tight again
see I’m going to have to let her know
clearly and without confusion
that you belong to me and if she loves you then she belongs to me as well
I’m sure that will bring a smile to you, no
and if she decides at that point that she can’t handle the way you live
and can’t understand who you really are
I’ll take care of that in the moment
chuckle free
but more than likely if she loves you she is going to be completely fine with this
she’ll wrestle with it for a second but she’ll realize
that this is who you are and if she loves you at all
she’s gonna love all of you
and so to let you know that she’s OK with everything as it stands
when we come back she’s gonna give me a little sweet kiss right on the lips
and say yes ma’am
and walk away and grab your hands
and say to you it’s OK I love her too
and give you the biggest hug
so you feel warm inside
and respected and needed and special
and then y’all can go off and do whatever it is that married people do
lose socks and share medical expenses
but you’ll know
and she’ll know
that I don’t care for back talk
so whatever I’m saying still goes forever
and for always
this is just how it is
when you asked me to love you
and it is so much better that you bring her
instead of me having to find her on my own
don’t you think?
We have to know for certain she can be trusted
and you love a fucking challenge you stupid bitch
or maybe it is better that you stay single
for the rest of your hilarious ass clown’s life?
Who is to say?

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