I walked into the garden looking for one thing
a rose
but the winter flowering Snowdrops introduced themselves
first
they told clever jokes and used colorful sexual metaphors
to amuse and distract me
which nearly worked until
I remembered why I was there
then suddenly the purple Allium flowers asked me my sign
and wanted to know all about my dreams and motivations
and kept hinting about our cosmic connection
which lulled me into a false sense of security for a while
until
it dawned on me again
that this was a mission
that I did not want to walk away from
by settling-
even the tall, blowsy, white lilies smelling so magnificent
staring right at me through my skin down into the unseen
crevices
etched by the deepest scars of my budding soul
began to sing the most beautiful songs I’d ever heard and not joining in
felt a bit sacrilegious when I knew I was undeserving
of all this flirting
that I must admit, I wanted desperately to believe
but just before I sat down
relinquishing myself from the search
giving up the desire that is always followed by hurt
to listen to the music of the Lillium regale
and let myself be entwined with the globe like Alliums
aroused by the sweet bell-shaped kisses of the hardy perennial Snowdrops
I saw what I had come for not far off
instead of letting it haunt me
anymore I grabbed
a rose
with my heart in my throat
and what love I could muster in my eyes
and hope draining from each of my warm tears
I pulled at it hard
hands bleeding
and plucked it down
petals ripping
and tossed it aside
to let it die

for the last time
with every other symbol used on me to lie
and as I turned to leave the garden
taking one long last look before I said goodbye

There had only ever been bushes of roses
those thorns I thought scraped me were actually poison
the beautiful wolfsbane was going to take me out
and I somehow have always known this…