You ruined my life
and saved me
and killed me
and killed me again
and you’re killing me now
and I know you know it
and I’m disgusted with me and you and this and us and up and down and everything in between
I don’t want to feel
I don’t even want to be
and nothing was good really before you
and how could anything after you be
and I hate life when I know I have to ignore you
and hate it more if I thought you’d ever ignore me
if I reached out with nothing to say with misery on my brow and in my mind and fractured temperatures full of tears and selfishness and you and more you and you on top of you smaller than a dream and bigger than infinity and nothing, all the nothing that could ever matter and I wish I could wish that I never met you but I wouldn’t be me now otherwise
and I want to blame you because I can’t kiss you
I can’t slap you
I can’t hate you or forget you and I don’t miss you and I don’t need you and I don’t want you even
but you’ve ruined my fucking life
and it’s such a pleasure it truly is
to have something
someone
someplace
that is permanently a jacked corkscrew tattooed
twice at the very least
upon existence
my divot dash mark dot
finally blends forevermore
into you
just like you said it would
you fucking bitch
and in spirit I will be there

when you die