I have lied to myself before and there’s a good chance
due to my history
that I might lie to myself again
I’m hoping that that is not the case but hope isn’t always reality
hope sometimes is a projection of your best self
hope sometimes is unrealistic and traumatizing
when those expectations of some future greatness don’t ever come true
what do you do instead of that
do you lower your expectations
do you stop hoping for things
stop trying
it just depends on what it is you’re trying to get out of the situation
are you trying to tell yourself that you love yourself
are you trying to tell yourself that you have some sort of value and purpose to your life
do you believe those things
are they true
are they verifiable
is there evidence
no there isn’t
there’s no proof that one single human is important
there’s no proof that anything that you decide to do won’t turn to dust and or ashes the day that you die
the only proof that you have is that you will eventually die and that death is soon
so instead of beating yourself up about things not being perfect
instead of lying to yourself and hoping and wishing and praying and sleeping on pillows of dreams made out of other people’s fantasies of perfection
instead of doing any of that you can look around
you can smell the roses
You Can Dance
You Can Sing
there are certain things that are within your control like your attitude
you may not have any control over the weather or how long you get to be on this planet
but you can control who you smile at today
and what is worrying going to do
is worrying going to make you lose weight
is worrying going to pay a bill
nope none of that’s true either
there are a lot of people that will say to you change is the only constant
you need to change change change change
into what my friends?
change into what because what I am going to become is a bag of bones at the end of the day and I don’t have to do anything to change into that
that’s going to happen naturally with or without my effort with or without my intention with or without my permission
so why am I spending any time worrying about change
it is this moment that is fleeting
this moment is going
this moment is gone
all I can do
all I feel like is important for me to do
is try to enjoy this moment
this day
and leave the rest to the skeptics
leave the rest to the philosophers
be the poet that I always was
find things that gleam and touch them while I still can
describe the shimmer
that’s all
and I shall never change that about myself regardless of what advice I might get from the streets
I’ll never let anyone wearing Crocs tell me what to do…again