I don’t give a damn how many days it is until Christmas, I don’t have anything to do but thinking- now mind you I’m recovering so I actually am not supposed to be doing anything but damn it all to hell, I do not like being homebound during this dark ass part of the year, not because I am alone because let me tell you what being alone is wonderful- but when its dark all of the time outside AND inside its annoying to me- so ever since I’ve been able to afford it I’m somewhere light and warm instead of dark and cold ’cause frankly I’m dark and cold all the fucking time! Now listen if a majority of the holiday celebrations at end of year were all like New Year’s Eve- where you’re supposed to be carousing and decadent and crazy, I could probably dig it a bit more and it actually wasn’t that terrible of a time in Vegas but the whole curl up with your family baloneysauce is the worst- okay I’ve got to be in the fucking dark with my family?! Get the fuck out of Dodge that is the absolute worst idea- a bunch of related people slobbering and farting and arguing? Or worse, PRETENDING?! Yikes, no no, I’d rather be on a beach. A warm one. Below the equator some damn where. But that’s just it isn’t? Nothing is fucking good enough. I crafted this life so I could be right where I am right now. Okay, crafted is strong- but everything I’ve chosen to do has led here and I wouldn’t go back and change shit. I am high, granted and I just watched some episode of Justice League or some such and Mongul gave Superman this crazy gift called the Black Mercy- where it will send you into your ideal fantasy dreamworld- and how the hell is that a healthy gift, I mean, it wasn’t supposed to be- but some people need or truly want, deep down, despair, sadness, death and pain- so depending on who is wearing the thing, they are living what they have created, what they truly desired, or else it would have been something else… and when I think of my life now, I feel like if I were wearing it, would I have chosen a different life or personality or experience than I have had in this life? I don’t think I would. I’m so close to knowing myself now based on what I have done and lived through that I couldn’t imagine a better existence. So yeah, I’m complaining that Christmas sucks, and having to be in the house every goddamned day to recover from surgery blows chunks and honestly, I wouldn’t rather be doing anything else.


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