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I don’t know if you use this page anymore but if you do, howdy stranger! I wasn’t looking for you because I wanted anything from you for myself but a few weeks ago I survived a major surgery (just like me to refuse to die) and because I’m not married anymore and live 2000 miles away from my closest relative, I would have needed to hire a nurse to help with my recovery. But luckily and through sheer grace I didn’t have to. My son who lives in Ohio now, flew out here to Cali to stay and help me as long as I needed him. It overwhelmed me, just to be loved, genuinely, with no conditions, truly, I have never experienced it otherwise and might not have survived it if it wasn’t for meeting you so long ago. Isn’t that crazy? If I hadn’t been so obsessed and blindly in love with you (although clearly suffering from some severe emotional regulation issues) I would have never become a mom good enough that a child would stop in their tracks to come help. Not every mom can say that. He would never try to find you, although I have only ever said good things about you to him, you know that. Looking at him is like winning the jackpot, honestly. It is always like getting to have you with me but better. I can’t tell you what to do but you and I both know what it was like to have one devoted parent close to us and one who wasn’t as much and how that affected us. It would be a shame if I actually go to my grave, or you do, or he does, and he hasn’t gotten to meet or get to know the ORIGINAL. The Prototype. It is not my place to say but the surgery just reminded me that through everything, and all my bullshit I am lucky he exists and you would understand if you just talked to him. He takes care of himself now, I raised him that way but there are so many things about him that he got from you without even knowing you. We are our fathers. He has the best shoe collection I’ve ever seen, he is a video game guru and sends me cutscenes to watch from time to time, he’s good with his money even though college really wasn’t what he wanted to do and he loves comics. And yes, I absolutely get on his last nerve- sound familiar? I think the last time I spoke to you he was 12 and we were going to SDCC for the first time together. Next year, he and I are going together again as his 23rd birthday present. That’s right the man will be 23. The absolute height of how I remember you when you loved me back. I’ll probably cry all next year. Anyway, I’m recovering and mini-us has flown back home now and I can’t even promise he would talk to you, I can’t force him but I don’t know, it really would do my heart good if one or the other of you would try, if for no other reason than there might come a day when you need someone to take care of you, and my gift of love, real love, the forever kind, right back to you, would be him there to help you too. Think about it if you ever see this. Otherwise, take care, I wish you the best always and a happy new year too.

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