Maaaaaaaan I’m an asshole.
I know this but I don’t care though. Not enough to placate. It’s my problem and my responsibility but I don’t see a way around it. I wish I could go with the flow but I throw rocks into streams. This dude (that I’m not attracted to physically) has opted to try to woo me using hallmark brand niceties via text and I want to barf.
On the one hand, I realize I don’t see the world how everyone else does and this is probably supposed to be endearing but I verbally slashed at his throat not just because I can but to see if he can adapt. This is not a strategy I would employ if I were enamored. I feel bad because if I don’t let some dumb ass in, it’ll always be just me against the world… I’m sure he’s super nice and trying his best but in my experience most men don’t actually like women, not really and in turn, I treat them with an even stronger level of animosity instead of respect until I know for a fact they actually see ME & want the best for me.
Am I wrong? Probably. I just don’t see an alternative. Run that dumb shit by your mom, not me. Ugh. The people I like are also intelligent but often not emotionally available, and I know I’m trying to fix my relationship with my own mother through them and fail every time. Then some polite yet unappealing silver tongued urchin tries to curry favor with corny linguistic gymnastics and I feel bad. Like I’m obligated to help a short person reach something off a shelf simply because I’m tall. I hate this. Don’t flatter me, talk to me I want to say but I know if I give the recipe they’ll only abide by it until I’m trapped. Le sigh. Let’s see what the cannabis has to say…
Two Joints Later…
The weed: Bitch no. Good shit or else. You can’t see yourself even fucking him so who cares, truly? Somebody out there who is right for him that ain’t you. You have earned The Position of not having to entertain anymore. Be free until you can’t be- if you’re questioning whether your standards are too tough would you eat shit just because it’s free? Fuck outta here. If a dumb motherfucker wanna mow your grass let his ass. But don’t accept less. You’ll resent him, start shit and leave any way. If anything ain’t hitting, trust it. This motherfucker don’t know you and is being lovey dovey. Duh bitch. And he’s homely? Never. You wanna be considered nice, now? You’re nothing nice. If you can’t passionately be all in, then fuck it. Get what you want, this ain’t no dress rehearsal. Be okay with what you would settle for. You okay? No? Then, no. Period.
Mannnnnnn I think I love weed.
My Mind, My Mood, My delicately poisoned pen... 