7:36 PM Dec 27
So many thoughts… I was supposed to write today but since my son was in town visiting for Xmas, now that he is en route to the airport back to Ohio, I remembered I wanted to blog but honestly, I think I am going to enjoy the evening of quiet solitude, and write up some things in the morning instead, or whenever it is I decide to do so on the morrow…
7:40 AM Dec 28
I’m a little tipsy and a little high and very full. The blasted fancy fire alarm kept beeping every 20 minutes on the ceiling of my bedroom all night because when my child was here and cooking all of the alarms went off from the heat and fire and smoke so we had to open all the windows and doors turn on the air and let in the cold to get them to stop and the one in my bedroom which never made a sound the entire time I’ve lived here beeped until dawn. I just went ahead and got up because I do at 4 most days anyway and drinking around nondrinkers is no fun so I’ve made myself a Malibu and juice, checked on my kid and as it turns out, he’s got a layover and hasn’t made it home yet and I’ll be worried until he does so I watched the Ricky Gervais special, responded to OkCupid comments from dudes I know I will never meet, tried to cheer up a dude from that app who graduated to Instagram but of course will make it no further – poor thing is really good looking but still searching for himself, had a big breakfast of leftovers and started worrying for a second about the stupid shit in my life that needs my attention soon like work and rent and whatnot, but opted to say fuck it to hit the weed vape that was in my nightstand for months-Ive not smoked anything since I started this journey of care to fix my teeth and now I’m writing this, because I told myself I would but I’m not saying anything so I’ll try again, surely, later today at some point…my wrist hurts…
7:12 AM Dec 29th
Of course the last coffee pod will have the last drops of rum in the house in the cup. I ended up not writing anything else yesterday and I won’t be writing anything life changing today either. Today is a day to pay bills, to decide on what changes I want to make in the coming year for myself and to start planning what needs to be done when its back to reality which for me begins Sunday evening after 6 PM. I wanted to have that book about the monster published by the end of Jan to send to him but honestly, now I don’t even want an editor to look at it, I don’t want to do any more work on it. This could mean its excellent and I’m just being a chickenshit or it could mean its time to let him and the hobby itself go all together, leave it undone because who gives a fuck and become a gym rat. It’s a shruglife moment. If I have learned anything this year it is to keep working on myself, understanding my own flaws and weaknesses and issues because it is not something I can finish, just like you will never been done brushing your teeth or sweeping the floor. If I can recover from being a romantic, stop apologizing for the things that make me happy and worry less about who gets to be in on the ride with me I will be my best self. Forward, ho.
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My Mind, My Mood, My delicately poisoned pen... 
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