Logan’s Run

Ayudame Ayudame!

We’re both symbols out to sea

you and me

even our stars decree

that we shouldn’t be

in one another’s atmosphere

for very long

although the experience will be meaningful for us both

If we don’t choke

I am the exact reminder of who you won’t let yourself be

and you are the exact reminder of who I should have always been

and the pull of you is more than gravitational.

It’s horrifying

my whole body turns into the flattest piece of porous paper and any markings on It will just sink into it and become a part of it and I fear that you have the same reaction to my presence as well

Evidently

Ayudame!

Hera, please-

I’m almost a magnetic repellent

The itch you can’t stop scratching

I can’t explain that it’s so frustrating that we both are alive on this planet

at the same time to anybody else

but you

Since you’re frustrated too

when we communicate it is so charged that it is nearly lethal and we seem to have difficulties coming together and staying apart lying about each other to our people

Well, I’m not getting ready to die on your account and I know you would never do such a thing for me so

now I have to decide what I’m going to do as the more responsible of the two at times and for a longer time consistently, I could bow out of the fight I could never reengage again and let you ultimately feel like you were the one to win and why is it so hard For me to let that be the end of the story

quietly

I don’t want you to be free, I don’t want you to be able to live your life happily and forget that I exist ‘cause I feel the same pain that you feel and if we let it go

And will to put it as a part of our past and not carry it forward anymore then what was it

did it even matter

why did we do it if we didn’t mean it and wouldn’t stick to it

I don’t think I would be OK if you weren’t hurt in someway I need to know ultimately that you hurt in the same way

My name is burning your veins and honestly if you would just scream I’d probably be more prone to leave, but because you keep holding your breath because you keep trying to push your shoulders back I think you can take a little bit more flack

I think you want me to continue to bring this hell down upon you all you have to say is that you don’t and you won’t

so here we are

Same spot

same position

same stars

same mission

and nothing can make it change except for me.

I just so happen to be

that entity

that could turn around.

Let it go

breathe

forget

move.

Will I ever come across something else again in this life this strong and do I even want to

can I just sit down and rest for a minute no

Now I’m back in it.

Ayudame Ayudame!

I’m getting out slowly, but surely I’m convincing myself

I’m saying the things

I’m going the places

they let me forget

like you probably do

when I’m not around you

if the battle is let it go of my ego oh no, then continually freeing you like I continually do is supposed to be the actual win for You

But every single time a word is spoken you speak back

and the the ball and the chain is then unbroken now

we’re back at the start.

Maybe it’s because you don’t have a heart

or maybe you do

and you want to break mine too.

Well fuck you

I have no idea

How do we keep ending up here

one thing I know is true

is you don’t sleep in my bed at night with me

Not physically and that’s a fact

that’s always been the case.

That’s how it will always be.

I don’t know what that supposed to define or what is supposed to mean

I need somebody that I can claim not just emotionally and play all these mind games

somebody that’s in my Life every day

will they make you go away?

I don’t know, but I’m willing to try that even though clearly it hasn’t worked for you because ever since I’ve known you, you’ve been somebody else’s secret boo

I digress, you do it best

this is just a complete and total mess and I feel like I’m bringing it down always on myself

Cause it’s in my mind this defeat is psychological

that’s never good news for somebody who’s brain is wired for the funky stuff that you seem to bring back to me in spades

OK so what does conventional wisdom say

and what the fuck did they even know Well I guess the next step is to lean into the fire because I keep pulling away

what is changed

I need to go forward completely bat shit apeshit crazy and see what happens.

I don’t know yet again

Glad I get to write about you though

Ugh

Ayudame Ayudame!

it’s better than thinking of you ever. It’s better than wishing ill upon your house and your future.

It’s better than recording this to get myself into comfortable enough place to be able to function in society

That ought to let me know right there there’s no peace here

I remain mindful.

I’m doing everything in my power to keep myself safe.

Happiness is fleeting but it comes.

I’m moving my feet.

I’m trying to walk the Earth with ease and then there’s a whiff of you on a breeze
my imagination runs directly to the heart of the words that you say next and the last time it just so happened to be

hey you long time no see

The symbolism is killing meeeee

The ocean is calling…

Hera, please

Help me