The Toodle Pip Maneuver

Use these instructions on how to trap a Spineless Bastard into chasing his tail for 1095.75 days:

Download a dating app.

Find a unattractive slightly younger nerd adjacent male with a decent vocabulary to chat with who knows he’s not good enough for you from the outset but believes you can be dominated.

When he asks you out to dinner, go and listen to him tell you his life story, which includes all of his most recent previously failed relationships with women who look like you.

When the date ends, be sure to give him a hug, but not a kiss.

When he asks you out to the beach the next day, pick a beach that is in a well to do area where only you are familiar with the surroundings and listen again to him, explaining his past drug addictions, and the reasons why his relationships with the women who look like you failed before (they will all be at fault, which is why this punishment is necessary).

Be sure to have a cocktail at his expense.

Be sure to purchase souvenirs you know he cannot afford and to take photos separately and together. Be sure you buy him a tee shirt and photograph him in it at the beach for later. Be sure to immediately create inside jokes because a narcissist loves to feel important. He will give you a cute nickname like Toodle Pip. Only answer to it moving forward.

When he comes to your home and brings his PlayStation, let him play his games and you just sit back and observe high as a kite- be sure he brings the shirt- it should remain with you in your home again, for later.

The sex will be mediocre and more than likely he will not be able to kiss and at some point he is going to violate your privacy by uploading the photos of your weekend together to his Facebook page after you explicitly ask him not to do so.

Be sure to argue with him in paragraphs over text messages for the next several weeks where he tries to use everything that he has ever learned about you over that weekend’s interactions against you while at the same time telling you how much he thinks you will be a good match for one another and complaining about how deeply he was hurt by these other women that you favor. He will not mention that you spent that whole time missing the monster and describing to him in detail how wonderful the sex was with the monster, how beautiful and talented and submissive and blonde the monster was and how you’ll never love anyone else again. He won’t mention it but this will break him, like a whipped colt.

After you tell him that you are no longer interested in dating him, seeing him or speaking to him and that if he continues to reach out to you, you will contact the police, be sure to block him on your primary device.

Delete the dating app too.

Over the next several weeks, he will send you voicemails . Messages at all hours to apologize for his rudeness, for his lack of understanding, for his selfishness, and about his behavior, and he will tell you how much he hopes that he can have another chance with you because he could not bear to fail yet again with someone as beautiful as you are. He will beg profusely for you to pick up. Plead. Cry even.

Do not respond, but save the messages for at least a year in case he ever decides to show up unannounced at your apartment or escalates matters- this documentation that he is aware exists will dissuade any forward motion.

Live your life, peacefully travel the world, enjoy your job and your friends for the next three years.

Completely forget that this worthless, repulsive milktoast punk of a human exists.

And lo and behold, prepare, for the fact that this man will download ‎WhatsApp under a waxing gibbous moon and message you nothing but the following two words:

Toodle Pip?

Mind you you will have forgotten that you even started this process so very long ago and when you ask, who is he trying to reach, he will say we spent a weekend together once and went to the beach. How are you? What’s going on? No malice in sight. He wants to reconnect.

You will swirl in your mind, drawing a blank because he is and always has been utterly irrelevant.

He will send you a PHOTO HE KEPT ALL THIS TIME OF HIM IN THE SHIRT FROM THE BEACH.

This is where you get to use the most important part of the instructions.

You get to say it’s good to know that you are OK and everything is well with you. I do not believe that our relationship ended on a good note so take care of yourself I’m actually on a work trip right now so I’m gonna get back to them and I don’t use WhatsApp when I’m in the states only when I’m outside of the country and since I took that photo, I’ve been to Monaco, Ibiza and France. Be well.

This will nearly kill him but he will rally.

Know that he will wait an entire night and at 1 AM the next day will send you a long WhatsApp message that includes what he perceived to be all of the problems in your previous relationship that lasted 72 hours, years ago. The vocabulary you chose in advance. He will say things like you lost your cool because of your BPD diagnosis to goat you into showing some emotion now. He will write that you tried to cause him to lose his job by responding to his post on Facebook in a negative way to see if people pleasing or victim blaming might cause you to stir and he will also mention that he is currently married to a wonderful woman who looks just like you and has been so for the past three years and he doesn’t hold your behavior from before against you. He’s a good guy he’ll say at 1 AM.

Why bring it up then you ask? To get the definitive last word of course which is the curse in itself. Would any rational person, who genuinely believed you put their job in jeopardy actually reach out to you in order to rekindle a connection? Of course not. He deserves this and you deserve to see it work.

He never knew his path was designed and still doesn’t. He’s grasping at his straws of imagined control like an amateur. Don’t read any further into the messages he sends back to back. They are all lies and decorative. Delete them as soon as they appear. You don’t need any negativity from a subject.

You picked him specifically. How can you heal if you can’t break the weakest of men, hmm? Let your lips curl upward.

You never wanted to love him. He hates that.

Didn’t endeavor to keep him, either. Wouldn’t slightly obey him which he hates the most. Blocked him immediately and yet, he will return wanting your attention and approval more now since it’s been on his mind for years. Swirling in his subconscious. And just like last time, when you don’t give in to the whims of this putrid, pathetic, ugly, gargoyle of a human plaything he will try to use your vulnerabilities against you, like no time has past. He’s on the ropes.

But watch- watch the scream well up in your chest and subside. Watch the twitch mingle and flutter by. Steady on.

Just remind him that the last time you spoke to him, you told him that if he continued to contact you, you would reach out to the police because it is harassment (even though you’ve long since deleted all of those messages on your phone where he had apologize profusely for misaligning your character, for going off on you because he violated your privacy).

Close your eyes and remember distinctly that when he did come over that he snored and sweat a lot in bed and because of his former heroin addiction (according to him, then) liked to jerk violently in his sleep. Gross.

Also, he was a terrible kisser. Don’t forget that part and that he told you that he had to brush his teeth for 30 minutes in your bathroom because of the first woman that looked like you didn’t like to kiss him. Check your blog entries from 2023 where you see that you had written that she was Ugandan in fact. And sit up because you know the reason why she didn’t like to kiss him. Laugh. He kissed like you would imagine a rotted chunk of creek wood might, but mind you in this moment, he is trying to craft a different story as to how things went, but here’s the thing to laugh harder about… it worked- he’s a hooked fish that’s been flapping behind the scenes struggling to not die, sun up to sun down over and over. Mindlessly cascading you with energy for years unbeknownst to you but expected. He’s your slave.

He reached out to you again and per the plan you didn’t remember. He started off in a very calm manner again to try to pull you in to his pitiful world of delusion and despair to see what was going on with you-to continue to be your friend, and possibly your lover if you were still playing docile enough to reengage but know the plan is working flawlessly because if turdboy really was happy, if he really was satisfied, when he saw your name pop-up he would not have reached out or wanted to continue to associate with you… not the girl he claimed almost cost him his livelihood-trust me, you’ve broken the lining of his self absorbed mind.

He does not remember your name.

He doesn’t know you. His perceived barbs are aimed at a person you stopped being as soon as this plan was set into motion. He called you by the nickname that you had all those years ago. That’s how you popped up when he looked for yet another way to communicate with you. to ask you yet again what’s up. Laugh. Alas, the judged schmuck has snuck in the back way to reach you, as of course only abusers do.

Why would he do that if he wasn’t a piece of shit?

A willing problematic pawn?

Why would he rethink his initial kindness yet again and wait all night to send you a horrible message about how broken you were when he knew you in an effort to make you feel poorly about yourself one more time if it wasn’t a game to him too? The last word. Narcissists love the last word.
He said he was a mental health practitioner, don’t forget this is also another major factor in why he was chosen for this plan!
Buffoons doing buffoonery. Laugh. You’ve not thought of, engaged with or considered him since you cut up the shirt that was purchased on that weekend and filmed yourself wearing it while listening to “Boys Are Cuter When They’re Crying” by Venus & The Flytraps and posted it to YT as the final step in his brain cracking open and shattering his identity as head manipulator in loserville. Right on schedule, just a few short years after the fact he will text you hi and then wait a night to say you’re a bad person. And it’ll tickle your soul. Don’t bother ever sending him the link to the video either.

Be sure to not finish reading the venomous unhinged messages he crafted in the middle of the night in response to your thoughtful words of take care- he will take any kind of attention you give him and still talking to him in a raised voice, is the same as winning for slugs. Block him from yet another platform. Wienies are what wienies do.

You were over him when you met him and the “Take care” you shared will bleed him dry.

Hit the weed vape in your Darth Vader bathrobe and laugh yourself silly at yet another victim’s spiral into insanity having met their diabolical match in the flesh. Breathe.

Poor thing really thought he was running something, didn’t he? Not even aware he was the rat trapped in the maze you made this entire time. The plan is complete.

(The shirt must have a shark on it. That’s key.)

Then when this culminated, forever Laugh. Appreciatively make art. And hell, post a link to the video here. You know the internet needs proof. Success. He can’t beat fate, darling. Narcissist 0. BPD 1.

Fuggetaboutit, kid💋💀