The forever of nothing is what we all seem to be chasing, the getting something and having it instead of the imagination of it or the making and I’m sitting here with 6 holes in my guts from my surgical undertakings and that’s not enough pain there’s so much more that have no comprehensible explaining- there’s no meaning out there or in here or worth fighting for or remaining its all fully empty and useless and painful and misery making you think you are doing the right thing but just wait, just wait and see the very thing you love will turn out to be the most pathetic misery-inducing ending to whatever you thought you were beginning its all lies on top of lies with prettier lies at the apex if you can’t see that then what the fuck are you genuinely laughing at, you lose some and then all of them eventually and why people want to be immortal is beyond me
this whole entire ride, this whole entire time
I’ve only ever wanted to get off this thing and yeah I think I understand love but then remember I just learned how to think and thinking about it ain’t enough it is when they break you or hurt you when you really see if you are foolish enough to believe in stuff other people think you should be believing but that’s a cognitive distortion and a complete illusion and as soon as I can have one I’m getting a fucking DRINK.

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