Little Dude was pissed off that I asked him to make the chicken for dinner in the first place and then when I tried to show him how to make it the simplest easiest way, he got pissed off at me because according to him he doesn’t eat chicken breast, he doesn’t normally cook chicken breast and why couldn’t I just let him do it however he felt like doing it
and I’m like you just said you never made it before, how many times do you think I’ve made it and he commenced to basically clearly intimate he was making it for my benefit only and he didn’t eat this and therefore he didn’t understand why I needed to give him notes on its preparation, he’d never make it again for the rest of his life.
I kinda laughed like –
you’re 22
you have no idea if knowing this recipe will be useful in life so I asked, are you mad at me for showing you how to make chicken and then he said yes so I sat my goofy ass down. I tried really hard to let it die right then but I couldn’t. Something had to be said, I couldn’t leave it like this it would fester.
After a few minutes I told him it didn’t make sense to be upset with me for teaching him how to make chicken, and it is my job to help him and there was nothing wrong with me trying to teach him things even if he’s here to help me- in the future it sure will be helpful to know an easy chicken recipe- then this dude run towards me in a scary violent way but crying and fully starts bawling talking about mom stop stop stop stop don’t
like even the sound of my voice explaining is too much for him to listen to
and he’s only here for a couple of days, he cries to me and he can’t explain the look I was giving him when he tried to do it for me, show me back to me I guess and how mean I looked when I explained why I wanted to show him how to make chicken… MEAN?! INSTRUCTIONS?!
mind you he’s resting 3/4th of his body weight on my fucking incisions from major surgery just a week ago and reminding me that he wasn’t going to eat any of it because he’s been eating chicken the whole week while he has been here (mind you fast food shit he did not prepare and was not fresh) and that I’m sick (I’m not sick I just had a bunch of the parts that helped me create him removed from my fucking body, that’s all) and I should just rest and he doesn’t even like leaving the room when I go to the restroom so that I don’t come back and he’s not there because he’s afraid I’ll be weirded out by being alone and that I keep saying things like I won’t always be here and the one time when he ran away he was truly sorry for doing that.
I dunno what any of this has to do with anything and I’m pretty fucking good at connective tissue…So I said he can’t correct me and explained what you’re supposed to do when your parent is trying to teach you something is listen, take the parts of it that you can use and forget the rest, that’s it but then he said the look wasn’t disappointment exactly, almost like he was laying on me and fake crying or whatever because his face was hidden the entire time while hugging me, he couldn’t explain it again but apparently I was doing it again somehow not disappointment but something worse in this moment and he needed to step outside and get some air- Uhm, the dude who just apologized for doing what he was doing right now the last time he did it which was like 5 years ago- was fully blowing my mind- when he left at least he wore his shoes this time, but he left the water in 2 pots he was boiling for the food he was making on the stove, on.
Eventually I got up and used all the physical energy I had and turned them off and after about 5-7 minutes he came back. I wrote a blog post, then listened to about 3 songs, played a video of Tim Ferriss and Gabor Mate, and then got up to finish my steps while listening to a Tara Brach video. At the end of it, he had finished the meal and cleaned the kitchen. I’ll get over this shit eventually just like everything else believe me but at the moment I’m boiling. Walking and listening to wiser people was the only remedy.
He told me where everything was and made sure to say “your chicken” is right there.
I said are you okay and he looked at the floor in a dramatic way like he wanted to say no but he never said no- instead he said he was going to go and clean the bathroom. I said you want to talk about it and he shook his head like even if I tried you wouldn’t listen. He’s right. I wouldn’t then, I won’t in the future and there’s no point in trying to explain to me this fucking theatre. I will not get it. So that was that. Here’s the thing, I’m not going to let ANY FUCKING BODY try to gaslight me into feeling shit for them they refuse to feel for themselves. I’ve done my very best and if folk don’t want to talk to me so be it, you think you know every fucking thing about life, GOOD LUCK buddy, whatever, kiss my ass. I am not going to say this but “the bullshit sidewinder ass I’m so sad because I need you so much HOWEVER I Won’t listen to you or take advice from you tv psycho crap” means nothing to me. Google search the recipes later who cares. Oh Well.
My Mind, My Mood, My delicately poisoned pen... 