We’ve written letters to each other for a long time now,
saying soft words
being intimate on paper alone
when distance separated
we felt obligated to communicate further than we could go
the letters are shorter now, sometimes they don’t include words
we look at little screens bathed in blue lighting
smiling at circles mimicking faces like we really know what they mean
we’ve tried to say, what we couldn’t do, and we’ve tried to be what we wanted each other to but still, somehow we don’t know enough ways to explain how much oxytocin we think we need

the last time that the man I love wrote me, he turned around and deleted everything he said so the person that he claims to love would never see
and I can’t fully express how much that hurt, I’ve murdered him seventeen times in my head since that day, still, he won’t go away, from the swirling whirlpool of despair in my brain I want him replaced, by another smiling face, armed with grace and beauty lyrically and physically like I assume everyone does truly

I need more letters, sent from a new name, so I can keep playing this game of molding desire into stanzas and refrains, Maya said believe him the first time and I chose to read between the lines instead, so I’ll just write about another, as soon as a gorgeous wicked poet man winks at me with a keyboard or a pen or a feather…

Two years of turmoil, temptations, and trials unfold in this anthology of poetic musings by TL Banks. In a quick and chaotic changing world the mind of one hopelessly romantic and fiercely opinionated woman was changing as well…was love the answer to all questions or was death or both? Her ravings are problematic and passionate and 100% human. This collection of weirdly resonant and unhemmed lyrical edges captures sloppy moments and messy memories that are sad and still triumphant as TL grapples with what pierces her armor the most- the misunderstood and stigmatized mechanization of Borderline Personality Disorder and the counterintuitive steps toward sanity during a global pandemic.


If you’re into it kiddo, like Rudely Raw Poisoned Pen on Meta too. Smootches.

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