You’ll want to understand this about me darlin’
I want to torture someone.
I want to make someone blind crazy with rage because they cannot control me. I want them to feel exhausted and confused because none of their normal methods of influence or manipulation seem to penetrate my resolve.
I want them to be so tired of trying that they resort to some level of physiological warfare so I can turn around and be as meek and sheepish and demure and vulnerable and sweet as they dream I ought to be and just when they are lulled into the false hope that I’m really good deep down and that they shouldn’t give up on me, I want to carve my name into their chest skin and then remove all forms of contact until three seconds before they truly feel healed and free of me and then pop up out of nowhere to torture them all over again. 

Like it hadn’t already happened.
Like they didn’t want it until they experienced it and then they knew it would destroy them and now they can’t make real decisions about me anymore, faded into oblivion by the lit gas.
I’m sorry. 


If I say this is what I want baby
and this is who I can’t help myself from being
no matter how hard I try it’s too fucking easy not to
and you choose to continue
over and over
and over and over
and over and over again
to be my pin cushion
how could I be blamed
for what sticks to the ribs, my forever love?

You’ll get no more apologies from me.

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