Life Lessons that solidified yesterday:
Don’t Date Bullies– I met a hairy obnoxious puppy dog dressed in a bull’s clothing a couple of days ago and he bristled at everything the world has to offer and told me plainly that he was tired of women because they only wanted him for sex or his money. The only things he talked to me about though were all of the ways that he could sex me up and down and all the night through, never stopping to ask if I was interested in that or even him at all, he just knew- pfft- mind you at the same time, this rough and rowdy pretender couldn’t get to me because he can’t drive and if I could just pick him up like ain’t no fucking trains or rideshares or cabs and he doesn’t have friends so how the fuck do you have money kiddo but anyway, the big part here is we never got to the section of the conversation where he was even invited, and yet and yet and yet so fuck all that honey, no more gargantuan brutish chihuahuas barking at the world when they can’t do shit in it.
Love is free though– Of course for no damn earthly reason at all, I spoke to the monster but I left the backdoor open, like I always do, just for him, and neither one of us is doing a really good job of leaving the other alone like we claim we want because all we do is scare each other to death and bully boy aka Chihuahua Charlie, pissed me off so badly that talking to the monster made me happy at first, just like every roller coaster does for a child but you can’t be on a roller coaster for your whole life, you’ll go mad, and vomit often and yet we keep going back to the horror, I don’t know why, but anyway for the billionth time, he told me I’m super awesome blah blah he’s not going to cheat on his girl this time blah blah and the stabbing wasn’t as bad as normal- the defusion techniques are working- and I decided to go out and use that energy reminding me that I am everything I am attracted to so I’m going to go be her goofy ass and of course, I met another clown just like me, immediately- same taste in everything, the most commanding person in the room had to come kick it with the only other one willing to clown too and I told him to make a video for me to send to the monster to make the monster jealous, because that is a part of our little game as well, it can’t be easy can it-and he did, no questions asked and before the night was over he’d asked me to marry him, my male reflection did, not the monster. And I can let him go, just like I can let the monster go, and do something different with my today, or nothing at all, with whomever I want to do it with, or with nobody at all but myself, and I am okay with that… especially since there is this young sexy wolf in my DMs looking like several meals, a couple of lunches and a few snacks for the road- plus if the monster and I were together a part of him would be miserable and I would be miserable if he was hurting because of me but I’m not going to keep myself from him or try to control anything to do with it anymore, it is whatever it is, even if I can’t describe it but I have no desire to force it. I don’t need Chihuahua Charlie, or The Monster, or even the most fun person I’ve met in years, Admiral Clown- or even Wolfie- I just need me to be calm, solid, centered, and take my time. When I say love is free I mean I can’t tell love what to do. And if I can’t have the monster, it changes nothing especially since I can have lots of people who want nothing more than me, and dear, that is plenty and nobody actually deserves even that. The monster has told me that I have changed the course of his life and he is grateful to me for everything. What else could I possibly want besides that? Selah.

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