I’m a hilarious little weirdo. Forever whining about whining.
I lost someone I never had to begin with again.
Week 2601 begins tomorrow.
I notice when my shoulders are around my ears now, and force them back down.
I loosen my brow when it’s furrowed when I am alone and remember I’m too expressive.
These little techniques just remind me I am human and flawed and okay and often wrong even when I feel right.
I lost another gorgeous gaslighter on top of the someone I never had to begin with again as well.
My own shenanigans make me shake my damn head at me. And then I secretly give myself a high five so the inner me doesn’t see.
I am human.
2600 has been an emotional one.
Some of the things that I did and said were very reminiscent of actions and behaviors I thought were buried and gone. What is changing is that I’m doing these things slower than before which honestly does make it rather embarrassing to have to witness.
I have to remember to remember to forget once I forgive me and others.
There isn’t anyone left to blame anymore.
I am flawed.
This never ending ability to overlook the flaws in loved ones has yet to fully be turned back on me and I can’t keep waiting to think I deserve it. I mean I know what I have to do, its just so calm and boring. Beautiful but flat.
I’m okay and often wrong when I feel so very right.
Perhaps what I thought I wanted and who I thought I was has to keep evolving until its over. That whole bit about the moderation of it all is certainly a tightrope to walk with high heels on, isn’t it?
I feel like I have to start leaning into reality more than I generally do.
Everything isn’t always cheery but in the long run, it is all positive.
I’ve gained something in losing them haven’t I?
Surviving any amount of hurt is a badge of honor in a way, sure you shouldn’t have had to but you did and you came out still you and wiser if not stronger as well on the other side.
Inner me sees every bloody thing.
I’m looking forward to experiencing some new emotions this week if there are any left to try.
The hilarious little weirdo in me still wants to laugh more than cry.
But if I had nothing to cry over, what would there be to laugh about?
My Mind, My Mood, My delicately poisoned pen... 