Left in a World Ozzy Exited

Please
if there ever was a chooser
who decided these things
Goddess of Fortune I’m looking right at you here, kid, okay?
Please let me die before
I’m out here at 73 years old
taking 60 photos of myself to prove to young people that I’m still the fuckable type.
Blow my head clean off before that, please.
I’d rather die.
That would be my second worst nightmare- looking to be validated as a woman or a human based on my appearance still having been on the planet that long- fuck that, fuck you, kill me dead instead.
Please, also, if I could ask nothingness for more,
Please let me die before
I’m out here rotting in some facility forgotten
I can’t be incapacitated either, just kill me outright don’t have me lying around hoping somebody will keep me fed and dry and clean because as you can see
the only person who has ever done that for me is me and I’ve done a shit job of it up until now, thank you, but I’ve tried haven’t I, and I’ve learned how to a bit, considering, but that is my first worst nightmare, to have to depend on anyone for my care- Don’t have me at 94 years old in a filthy cot, covered in boils and sores and still breathing, waiting after 36 hours for support that will not come. I’m sure this I have lamented about before certainly. Goddess of Fortune I’m looking right at you here, kid, okay?
Nothing terrifies me more.
Just throw me into an open flame, a volcano even, anything but that…
and above all, if I may
desperately plea for one more thing
Please
though I deserve nothing and I know it
Please Please
yet I’m on my knees
please please please please
I’d rather be taking selfies in my fucking 90’s
I’d rather be in the worst nursing home in America where they still perform lobotomies
Please
don’t let a single fucking man on this water ball ever ever ever again
tell me that he loves me
unless one second later you promise
to spray my brain out of my skull
with the biggest gun you can find
because that is nightmare fuel of the fiercest kind
Lying
or if you can muster it
if there ever was a chooser
who decided these things
please let me die
one second before he tells that lie…