14 hours before I move back to California

Perhaps if I hadn’t thought I could no longer live in Indiana because I couldn’t find any love there I would never have moved to Upland, California in 2005 and I would never have met the Man from Moreno Valley and I would never moved to Vegas with him and I would never have left…

Green Tea Extract

For the entire time that I was consciously aware Of what was happening around me and who people pretended to be and what the world said that they should have been juxtaposed with the reality of what they were I always felt so sorry for my grandma. Not only sorry that she grew up in…

The Odyssey and the Iliad

This is the test and I’ve got to fucking manage it. My stability has only ever been attached to necessity- somebody needing me and for 18 years my child did. After my 2nd suicide attempt when I wanted to go left and sideways and my son was too little still to appreciate my efforts somehow after…

Ohio Renaissance Festival

When I was 41, I pissed on the chest of a 22 year old Abercrombie looking white boy who was a soccer and poker player in this apartment. I found out that it wasn’t just depression or PTSD or PMDD but Borderline Personality Disorder in this apartment. I frantically paced wondering where my son had…

The Devil’s Sneer

Slightly but obviously imperfect A neck it takes a whole hour to kiss Is what I like A barely noticeable scar across the chest Just a little of him is too much Hands always clutched around something A far away look in the eyes Strategically picked shirts that seem incidental Aversion to nothing Just a…

George Wickham

Our new reality is you’re a fucking moron. Its one thing to not like or respect someone but its a whole other thing to feel that way and still attempt to use them as if they have an obligation to you. How stupid could you be? How stupid do you think that I am? (And…

After Nell Fenwick Again

You’re asking me, world, for all this strength and I can barely stand There’s nothing to sweep up and muster sometimes when everything built is on shifting sands All I can do is get back to my weight loss routine get back to some universal truth Get back to standing for something get back to…

Robert Frost

When you begin genuinely, just like he said, you’ll never know from the start where it will end or how When you begin with something on your heart and in your mind but you’ll take whatever it gives you just the same But me I’ve been searching for peace up mountain tops with my soul…

Battle not lest ye become…

I stare at you like you’re wounded and I am going to eat the flesh from your bones as soon as you get dizzy and weak and fall into my arms. I don’t like you anymore. Before, I wouldn’t make eye contact, couldn’t even, because I did not want you to see the fact that…