Shore Excursions and Cold Pancakes

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What a world, what a life. I just got back from a girl’s cruise for a week to a few Mexican Ports and a quick stop over in Belize City, Belize. I can have fun wherever but some people can only have fun if they are complaining about every little thing that is happening. It irritates me by the first 30 minutes in but when you’re on a boat trapped for a week all you can do is take THC Pills and stay drunk. I still feel wobbly but that’s because I came home with a lovely shade of coronavirus. I didn’t get sea sick at all, surprisingly. I spent way more than I wanted to but way less than the others and I didn’t have to share my cabin with anyone because let me just say being in a floating hotel for 6 days with the widest smelliest humans on the planet can only be worse if you have to room with one of them after a 3rd trip to the buffet. I used to smoke so the people I was with were smokers and the only thing we did on the boat together was sit in the smoking area on deck 11 and sit in the smoking area in the casino on the boat. By the last day, feelings be damned, I went off on my own, enjoyed some karaoke and met some rather conservative weirdos who I didn’t expect to be the cruising type but it all makes sense. This was my third cruise and my last. I have no desire to see the world that way ever again, it’s like if Alcatraz was a mall on the high seas. No thank you. I’m no Grinch but I can go to the ocean anytime, which is why I moved to California. People kept saying to me on the boat, you flew to Florida? Lol, yeah its weird, I know, we have ports too but I’m a traveler ya nitwit so FLA isn’t actually going anywhere in my mind, except out of the way for nothing. I did appreciate the tour I took in Belize, I didn’t realize how young the country was and that it is the only English speaking country in Central America and how close we were to Guatemala. I realize that I too am complaining but I didn’t complain to the people I was with because I have fucking manners, I couldn’t change anything by moaning at the time and I think I just want authentic adventures now. In another life I could have been a cruise director but today just thinking about all those horribly ungrateful poor yet snobby status chasing heart attacks waiting to happen vomiting everywhere and just spreading feces and disease all over each other reminds me I’m so good. I learned a lot. At this stage of the game, I definitely require my own accommodations, it’s not rude for me to find ways to spend my time that don’t require I coddle smokers since I no longer am one, and 6 days with anyone who isn’t my child or my husband is too many damn days- I don’t like nobody that much to listen to their whining, stupid opinions, lazy observations for that long. If it ever was fun it isn’t now. I have to isolate this week because I’m sick and I’m not complaining, I’m vaccinated so the symptoms are more irritants than anything else and I get to be alone and undisturbed and work remotely. If I have to be in prison, solitude suits. Maybe its my age but I don’t care about amusement parks anymore, I don’t care about outdoor concerts with portopotties anymore, I’m no longer interested in drinking games, or showing up to parties to take photos only and especially not interested in cruises. I don’t think I’m any more curmudgeonly than before, I just value my own time if that makes sense, and doing shit that doesn’t please me or help me grow seems like a waste. Plus some stuff doesn’t require replication and some friends are better kept in touch over Facetime rather than in person. I want to live a life now that I don’t have to escape from, that I don’t care what other people think about, that makes me happy and satisfied even with the dull and boring bits because it is exactly what I want to do. I didn’t understand my father until this moment. He had the same job for decades, lived in the same town although he’d traveled before and walked everywhere reading books. I used to think how common, how small, how boring and lame. I think I ran around the world and around other people trying to out do my dad, be better than him in some way, see more, be more. Honestly I have. I published when he didn’t, I only have had 1 failed marriage instead of 4 and I raised my only child instead of leaving it to someone else. But I am him in the sense that there is no better company than a book, nothing more interesting to do than take a walk and finding somewhere to live where people know and respect you and you feel at home makes all the traveling around the world in your youth worth it. It’s best to be calm and grateful and true to you, less you keep getting sick trying to fucking fit in.
I gotta lose a shit ton of weight.
Ugh, Bitches don’t invite me anymore, hell.
Let’s leave all that in 2023.

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My Mind, My Mood, My delicately poisoned pen…