Monster, time cast a spell on you…

More time, more attraction, familiarity, subconscious preference, delay reactions, dopamine, Norepinephrine, serotonin drops, x-factor clicks, more time, more attraction, attention, and then leave to bake, ding. Don’t come back.
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
Let it burn.
You can’t lose nothing worth having by telling the truth and telling the truth is something that he refuses to do. He asked me closer to a decade now ago, to bind him

to refuse to set him free under any circumstances because that would be the ultimate power move and that’s what he deserved because he was a cross dressing cum denied princess. These are not my words.

These are his words.
his weakness is my strength
my strength, his weakness

so I decided to give him what he asked for.

Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
Let it burn.
I just didn’t say I was going to give it to him to his specifications- I loved him and to deny him confused me

so over these many years, I have kept his emails and text messages

and the clothes that he used to wear and a contract with his name on it saying that I could fuck him in the ass whenever I felt like it and he wouldn’t be upset or try to sue me

and his signature on a book that I wrote when I was dating someone else who knew that he existed

And my ex gave me permission to tie him up and piss on his face whenever I felt like it before he caused a scene

All of these things and videos and songs and messages of him begging and pleading

of him telling me how much he loved me in panties and heels -I still have all of these things and he knows that at any moment I could do what he suggested, which is post them online and tell everyone in the world about who he really is because according to him- that would be the ultimate humiliation.

He has tried to taunt me over the years into doing this very thing and I don’t. I actually release him back into the wild telling him to be free. Be his best self work out learn French be awesome. Have a fantastic life and then you know on the wind He’ll call me after a few years of living his fake life where everyone applauds him for being so great and so attractive and so well mannered and self controlled and I will respond to his yearning because I’m a dedicated fool and he turns back into the bitch that he is and the cycle of devaluation continues until I’m exhausted by it. This love is one-sided doom.
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
Let it burn.

Lately in these responses he is trying to demonstrate some sense of stoicism ( a few years ago and this week) in my presence, but there is an incredible undercurrent of complete and total fear that I will do what I have said that I could do that he asked me to do in the first place, which is out him to the world at this stage of the game. I genuinely have no intention of ever doing this, but that groundwork has been lain so it filters into every interaction that we have and as cordial as it might seem on the surface underneath, there’s all these layers of anxiety.
His weakness is my strength,
my strength, his weakness

He told me yesterday morning that talking to me, was like having climbed a mountain and looking back, deciding to leap off. Jesus. I’m not living a fake life. I’m living my real life you living a fake life

and he is very fragile around the idea of losing that fake life that he told me I could take whenever I felt like it. He also told me many times that he will resist

that he will fight back

that he would be a brat about it and to not stop so when we have these conversations and he’s chickenshit scared to even say, how do you do to me politely

Without an attitude it’s like, but this is what you wanted.

This is where you hide you. And me. This is what you asked me for …
Ding.
Ding.
Ding.
Let it burn.

it didn’t come when you thought it would but here it is I control you.

I can fuck your whole entire life up whenever I feel like it. This is what you asked me to do and I’m laughing because I’ve done it so, what are you mad for

All I wanted to do was say hello to you all I wanted to do was let you know I’m still here and I’m still watching and you could be my Silver Spring and yet it’s almost like you’re daring me to do it and oh I should but I don’t have to

I have this power over you

still
be indifferent to what makes no difference, bitch
Let go of what you can’t control, hoe.
That’s life and good luck…

and you can’t come to me after all these years with no fear and just say I’m OK

I’m glad you’re OK and be decent.
He’s weak. Sick with it. Dying.

You don’t want nobody to know that you lie and you’re a fraudulent piece of shit that bad or do you want them to know still that bad?

I can’t tell but how about I’ma keep this shit and somebody will find it when I’m dead and whatever legacy it is, he tried to leave on this world of bullshit will be squashed.

It’s called justice and I am Zeus.
It’s burnt and it’s smoking now.
Burnt and smoking.
I smell weakness frying.

Next time I speak, l told him, call me by my government name, tell me it’s nice to hear from me and you hope I’m doing well.

He obeyed immediately and verbatim.
Extinguished.
No more time, no more attraction, no more familiarity, subconscious preference deletes itself, reactions are not delayed, dopamine, Norepinephrine, serotonin kicks in, breathing slows, no more time, no more attraction, no attention, and then…

I left the chat thinking
that’s my girl
about us both.