There’s only death and hope I told him
and they dance all the time
you’re in the grip of one or the other or both constantly
like when I saw you and texted him or you cursed me out and I fucked a stranger
and you lied about something important but I forgot what it was and I gained weight
and there we were
that was us
and I like the ones who won’t let go
and I like the ones who stop when I say so
steady trusting the likes of centrifugal forces and other shit that we made up
but its trapped together in a spiral
our survival
that was us
only one direction that aimlessly flows down the river of
death and hope like I said
We are alive and therefore have made our bed
Did you even hear what I said when I said I loved you
or are you as scared of me still as you should be because all death and hope are
in the grand scheme
are fatter versions of depression and anxiety
the up and down of everything is finding the right key for the lock
and using it a lot to open the door to one or the other of the two
its never chasing you
and I won’t hope its not death anymore
Be free though.


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