What I want doesn’t exist…I know.
It only ever dawns on me periodically how selfish men are.
Especially if I like one.
You go through all the processes of vetting one of the animals
just to find out he’s a liar or worse won’t accept the truth.
I could say to a guy… hey we can have a great relationship…if you want… I’m in.
And like animals we could care for each other even if he has a fucking dog for a pet.
Now I don’t hate dogs but its not a useful pet to me.
So when I say I have a pet too and it’s a human, which really seems more practical to me, the love dies.
But a dog can’t help you move and having sex with a dog seems like a horrible idea…
Could it have ever been there? This love he claimed to have?
I believe in it less and less the more I’m confronted with it’s fragility and conditions.
It’s not fair.
Why can’t I have an awesome boyfriend who loves me no matter how old and ugly and crotchety I become and you, pet?
Because what I’m finding is that these guys are all playing faithful to me
or someone else
and making up fidelity stories in order to get me
like I’ll sit and pant like one of their fucking dogs
when the truth would have been workable.
Take the pretty animal I was seeing recently for example.
When I met him I never have seen someone so snotty about your existence, pet, other than the one dude acting a fool outside my apt a few years back.
I’m like fine, he’s in Ohio anyway, chill.
Then lo and behold some girl is in my phone months later, brokenhearted.
But he told me he wasn’t seeing anyone.
How the fuck?
He told me I was the only one.
He only wanted to see and be with me, he pleaded.
What was the point of that?
Now he’s saying wouldn’t it all be interesting
if his fine ass and his harem joined forces with me and you.
Because everything about the dummy is false to me now.
He’s just another fucking liar.
There’s more lies, surely.
He thinks I’m in his harem?
It was never that.
I never lied.
He should have never said he loved me.
I’m not a fucking pet dog.
Honestly, you could have been enough for me pet
until I realized who and what you are and it’s fine, now, I adore you.
Having a pretty girlfriend slash chaste bitch boy
in my back pocket is a wonderful thing, a life goal so thank you.
But I don’t think I’m being greedy to actually want a man too.
A secure honest man though… Except… as you and I both are aware,
I swear…they don’t exist.
Not specifically or in general.
Not in theory or in practice.
I am not an honest man and neither are you.
I don’t know what else there is to do.
Maybe I too need to accept the truth.
All pet owners are only pet owners as proof that alone they have the blues…