It is easiest to flip over to frustrated
when things are not perfect
when you don’t think of the right answer
in the moment
when you’re not in control of outcomes
and you can’t fully know
what is next
so anxiety becomes the default
engine revving but your foot is firmly
pressed on the brake
and you aren’t moving forward
just overheating and wasting all your gas…
so now I recognize when I’m overworked
and overwhelmed- I feel it in the center of my chest
right underneath my breast bones
feeling like nerve endings suddenly shredded open
untracked and unattached
flinging about the core of my body
pitching little volts of electricity
straight to my heart
so now I take the deepest of breaths
and exhale all the ones I catch as slowly as possible…
I keep doing it until the mind inside mine
feels calm enough to say to me
whatever it is I can survive this…
There’s no reason to suffer before it happens
If I mistake something in my actions
and nobody dies
its meant for me to learn from it
and I am dedicated to nothing more than growth…
The fear is a warning
to prepare as much as possible not to halt
I will forge forward in full recognition
of my apprehensions
and do what I can do at that moment
I’m okay
I don’t have to stay frustrated
I’m okay
I don’t have to expect anything
from you anymore because I can control my own actions
I decide what is satisfaction
so now I will keep what my body is telling me
inside and see myself through
another thing I ever knew
like you
that I could conquer
whenever I chose to…
…until I do